


Turn Back Time

by PSILoveYou



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Captured Cas, Caring Sam Winchester, Cas Whump, Cas!wings, Case Fic, Comforting Dean, Dean Blames Himself, Dean stops being an ass, Dean to the Rescue, Dean's an asshole to cas, Destiel - Freeform, Destiel Will Happen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Plot, Post-Case, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Dean Winchester, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sam Knows, Self-Hatred, Stop Hurting Cas 2k17, Wingfic, but he's not pushy about it, cas angst, cas gets captured, cas has panic attacks, cas hates himself, dean kind of hates himself, destiel end-game, major pining, oc angels - Freeform, soon, where's cas?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2018-12-22 07:57:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11963079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PSILoveYou/pseuds/PSILoveYou
Summary: When Sam, Dean, and Cas take up a case that winds up with Cas showing up beaten and bloody, Dean finds it harder than ever to not make a move on the angel. Soon, the entire case goes haywire, and Cas gets captured by the very thing they are hunting. Sam and Dean scramble to find their friend, probably being tortured as they speak. Dean knows that this is all his fault. If he had only listened to Cas.This is where it all begins. The reason Dean finally says 'I love you', but the hunter never imagined what those words would lead to.





	1. The Carpenter King

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first fic on Ao3, let me know if you have any suggestions on the story. Basically, this chapter is the present, but some future chapters will be about the case, so it will be in the past. Please let me know how I'm doing.
> 
> Here's a mini-chapter that serve as the prologue. I promise that chapters aren't usually this short.

Bunker-PRESENT

“So we’re dealing with another rogue angel?” Dean asks impatiently as he kicks his feet up on the bunker’s map table

All along the table, files and lore books are scattered, all of them hopefully relating to the angel that they’re looking for. Sam had organized the papers into neat piles several times, but Dean would simply toss them back into the chaotic scene they were in before.

It’s not that Dean’s angry at Sam, luckily the younger brother knows that. It’s not Sam’s fault that Cas is missing. Sam’s not the one who yelled at Cas or screwed up the hunt. Dean’s angry with himself, and therefore decides to take it out on the research. 

“Seems like it” Sam sighs across from across the map table, not bothering to look up from newspaper he is reading

The laptop, which Sam has abandoned for the newspaper, lays open in front of him. The screen has long since gone dark.

“And anything about Cas?” Dean asks, desperately grasping at straws

“It says here that the victim’s eyes had been burnt out.” Sam reads, “Could be our guy,”

“I asked about Cas. Not another goddamned angel.” He spits

He’s sick of hearing Sam’s guesses at possible murders by the thing that took Cas. He wants to know where Cas is. Not past murders. Not random angels. It would do them no good. They need to focus on finding their friend.

Frustration begins to fill Dean’s mind. Why would Sam not understand that they’re on a clock here? A clock ticking away at Cas’s life. They need to save him as soon as possible.

Sam looks at Dean a moment, not sure how to respond. He knows how furious Dean is at himself because of what happened to Cas. He has been able to keep himself from growing angry at Dean’s short temper, but recently, Dean’s good reasons just don’t seem to be enough for Sam to keep his patience without a struggle.

He takes a deep breath in to calm himself before explaining to Dean the possibilities.

“Well...by the looks of it, it’s possible it could be the same angel that took him,”

Dean turns his gaze to look at his shoelaces, unable to meet Sam’s eyes. The younger hunter takes in the sight of his brother. Heavy bruises have formed beneath his eyes, a telltale sign he has not slept in days, despite what he may tell Sam. Dean’s eyes have gone bloodshot, either more evidence of his lack of sleep, or all the liquor he’s been consuming. Probably both. Ever since the case had gone to shit, Dean hasn’t stopped looking for Cas. Sam pities his brother for all the weight he puts on his own shoulders.

“Dean, what happened, it wasn’t your fault. You can’t blame yourself.”

Dean looks back at him, failing to understand why Sam keeps telling him not to take the blame.

“It was entirely my fault! If I hadn’t been so stupid- if I’d have known he would take Cas-”

“But you didn’t know,” Sam reassures gently, which only aggravates Dean even more

“But I should have!”

“But you didn’t,” Same repeats, keeping up his calm persona

Dean’s fed up with arguing. Sam just doesn’t understand. Cas would be sitting here, in the bunker, safe and unharmed, if only Dean had brought the damned angel blades out of the trunk, like Cas told him to. But no, Dean wanted to show off to Cas, make himself look like a badass. What an idiot, it was all his fault.

“Where was the angel thing you were talking about?” is all Dean can say


	2. Bad Things Arising

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the first part of the case, and everything that happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter is up (clearly). Let me know what you think of this and if you like it or not.

Dean remembers clear as day when when the angel had taken Cas. He had been so unprepared. He had no angel weapons to fight back. All Dean could do was watch and plead the angel not to hurt Castiel as he held him in a throat lock, pressing an angel blade to his neck. Cas had still been dazed from being slammed against the wall. He looked like he was about to pass out in the hands of the other angel. Dean begged and screamed and tried to get to Cas and his attacker. Clearly, it didn’t work. 

Four Days Ago...

Cas had tagged along on a hunt that they thought would be demon based. There had been a series of murders in Summersville, West Virginia. A string of murder had hit the town, all leaving behind the smell of sulfur, and a demon trap. A hunter was probably killed trying to work the case, which meant they needed to get over to Summersville fast before someone else less experienced them them, picked up the case. 

Sam and Dean loaded the impala with the demon knife, salt, spray paint, and some other stuff Sam had insisted on bringing.

“Remind me again why you’re coming?” Dean asked the angel as he slammed the trunk shut.

Cas was standing near the car, but still staying a careful distance away. His blue tie was knotted tightly around his neck. Dean watched as Cas’s trench coat swayed gently in the breeze. It was a beautiful day. The type of day that for a moment, Dean could almost forget about his disastrous life and focus on the sun warming his back or how the birds were practically singing. The sky was so blue today. Dean had only seen an alluring blue like that once before. He caught a glimpse of the color everyday. In the eyes of his angel. Everytime the angel looked at Dean, he had been captivated by their brilliance and purity. Every time Cas caught his eye, Dean’s breath had been sucked away.

“...especially since we have no knowledge of how many demons could be responsible.” Dean crashed back into reality just as the angel finished his defense.

Cas blinked in confusion, likely unsure of why the hunter looked so mystified at him.

Dean could see how Cas was confused. He was probably looking at the angel like he was trying not yell at him. Cas was unsure of why, considering he had done nothing wrong. Cas never seemed quite sure with Dean, causing him to be a little hesitant around the hunter. It made Dean’s heart crack each time he noticed the angel’s caution with him.

“Dean?” the angel questioned as he drew closer to his friend, probably trying to get a better read on what Dean could have been thinking.

Cas reached his arm out to rest on Dean’s shoulder. It was meant to be a kind gesture, but Dean had swatted it away, finally looking fully focused on the present

“Yeah, yeah, sure whatever. Just hop in the back,” Dean rushed, pushing away from him

He wasn’t trying to be cold. Dean just couldn’t think of what he would do if Cas was standing so close to him, or much less, touching him. Even simply setting his hand on Dean’s shoulder would have sent an electric wave of excitement through Dean’s body. Dean knew how he felt towards his best friend, but he couldn’t see a day in his future where he would act on it. Cas was an angel. Dean knew his friend would never love him back, at least, not in the way Dean hoped for.

Cas drew back, a choked expression plastered on his face. Dean knew why. It wasn’t like himself to agree to something so easily. Dean was stubborn, never a pushover. 

Cas crawled into the back of the impala, but Dean hadn’t followed until Sam opened the passenger door. Dean wanted to turn around, face his angel, and assure him he had done nothing wrong. But he couldn't. No, just focus on driving, just get to the town.

Dean could feel Cas’s eyes on his as he and Sam went over the case files again. Every so often, Sam would remember Cas was still there, and would include him briefly. Sam would asked him his opinion on something, but usually Dean would interrupt before Cas could get a word off his tongue. The entire ride continued like this for hours. 

The angel seemed overjoyed when they had finally reached Summersville. Dean knew he had really pushed the buttons of his trenchcoat. They pulled immediately into the local hospital. The three of them had already changed into their FBI suits at a Gas n’ Sip a few miles back. Sam made a point that this case was a little more urgent than usual, and didn’t want to check into a motel first.

Unfortunately, Sam was right, which Dean hated. There had already been eight murders and two more since they began the drive to the town. This was slightly more deadly than their average case, but Dean still wanted to nap in a bed first.

Craig Salazar, the hunter that died working the case reeked of sulfur and had several stab wounds in his abdomen. The other bodies had also a strong sulfur stench but only possessed a lone piercing through the chest. Craig must have put up a fight. Dean raised his chin slightly, in respect for the fallen man who had given his life to the job. When they finished the case, Dean would make sure he had proper closure. 

Dean tuned into the conversation between Sam and the coroner. 

“Any clue as to why they smell like sulfur?” Sam asked

The coroner looked like he had given up on trying to answer this question for himself long ago. A blind man could see how badly he ached to go home.

“Son, these murders are a mystery to me. None of it makes sense!” He exclaimed throwing his hands in the air as his folder nearly slipped out of his hands, “If you could tell me just one more thing to add to my report, well, I’d kiss ya!”

“I see,” Sam nodded, looking down at one of the bodies on the slab

“Look,” said the coroner, lowering his voice, “It’s been a long day. If you could lock up for me, and I’ll just skedaddle and leave you guys to it, ya’ know?” 

“Of course,” Sam said, nodding again.

He ran his hands over the body, cautious not to actually make contact with it. His hand stopped at the stab wound in the man’s chest. 

The coroner gave him a grateful smile before dashing out of the morgue.

“Well he seems like he loves his job,” Dean poked as he made his way to another body

All the violence that had been done, looked exactly the same on each body. None of them differed from each other, except for Craig.

Sam scoffed as he tried to concentrate on the bodies, “Seems like it was definitely demons,”

“Yes,” answered a low gravelly voice from behind Dean

The older hunter jumped back, forgetting all about his angel friend. When Dean turned around to face Cas, his face immediately flushed at the sight. His friend was standing directly behind him, only an inch or so apart while he studied the corpse. How had he not noticed Cas standing there before? How long was he even there?

“Cas!” Dean hollered at the unsuspecting angel “How many times, man! I need space!”

But Dean knew, from the bottom of his heart, he didn’t want Cas to move any farther away. No, he wanted Cas to come closer. He wanted to be close enough that they were touching. But would that even be enough? 

It doesn’t matter, Dean thought while shaking his head, He will never love me. He’s too pure for me. I’m rotten and broken inside.

“I apologize. I didn’t realize…” But Cas trailed off as he moved away from Dean.

Dean knew Cas was trying so hard to satisfy his demands, but he only ended up being yelled at or lectured by the hunter. 

Little pieces of Dean’s heart broke away and died with each step Cas took apart from him. He wished he could take back what he said, just to have the angel close to him. Dean knew he had hurt his friend, he could see the somber expression in his blue eyes. They were so blue and so beautiful. What Dean would give to have those eyes look at him with the same love he had for his friend. Why couldn’t Cas love him? Why couldn’t Cas just pull him in and kiss him? Dean didn’t care that Sammy was there to watch. He just needed it to happen.

He would miss his angel in the weeks he would disappear. For a moment, any blue eyed brunette that passed by looked like Cas. But only for a moment, before Dean realized what a dull blue they were compared to Cas. Nothing would ever match his. The times that cas would return after long disappearances were one of the most relieving for Dean. A million pounds would be lifted off the hunter’s shoulders, knowing that his angel was afe. Helium filled his chest, for Dean was so ecstatic in these moments, it was almost impossible to suppress the big goofy grin that threatened to smother his face.   
You know why, that voice said again

“I was just going to say,” The angel continued hesitantly after a moment of dead silence, “that this does seem like the work of demons, except something is...off,”

“What do you mean?” Sam pressed

“Something is off about this whole thing. It doesn’t seem right.,”

But Sam and Dean had ignored the warning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think so far? The third chapter is already written, I just need to edit it, so it'll probably be up later today. Comments keep my writing juices flowing!


	3. Temporary Healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is where things start picking up. Thank you DarkHeartInTheSky for the feedback and love. So glad you're enjoying this.
> 
> And Everytime You Try To Reach For That Handle  
> I'll Keep Coming Back Through Your Window  
> You'll Be Fine If You Just Close Your Eyes
> 
> And Everyday Dawns To A New Disaster  
> I Feel Your Heart Beating Faster  
> Don't You Worry  
> We All Lost Our Minds  
> -Beth Jo

Three days ago…

Dean was becoming restless. It had been two days already since they had gotten to Summersville. Each day had led them to yet another dead end and even more unanswered questions. Cas had disappeared after Sam and Dean woke up, saying the case would be solved faster if they split up. Ever since Cas left, Dean was slightly depressed. Sure, it had only been eleven hours since he last saw the angel, but who knew when he would return? Sometimes it would be weeks until Cas came back.

Dean watched his brother flip through the files from the morgue, his eyelids closing slowly with each sentence he read. He felt a little guilty, making his brother do most of the research, but then again, Dean was busy thinking about his angel. 

Dean could picture Cas in his mind. His pure eyes, his messy hair, the way the corners of his mouth would rise whenever he tried to make a joke. And that ridiculous trench coat. God, Dean hated the thing. He couldn’t understand why Cas held onto it so tightly. There was nothing special about the piece of clothing, nothing the jacket would give the angel in return. Maybe there was something that reminded Cas of his rebellion. How he was separate from Heaven, giving him a sense of humanity. But didn’t Dean do that for him? Why couldn’t that stupid angel see how much Dean loved him?

It was so frustrating and unfair. The one being in all of time Dean had actually fallen in love with wasn’t even human. He was something that would never be able to return Dean’s feelings, and that wasn’t something the angel could have any control over. Cas just didn’t understand.

It’s not his fault you’re broken. 

But then there was that beautiful sound of his wings. How they could signal his presence. Dean would yearn to hear that sound. He tried to imagine it, the fluttering, the graceful angelicness of it all. It had all become so real in Dean’s mind, he could have sworn he heard it for real.

Apparently he had, because Sam had almost jumped out of his seat in shock as the angel appeared at the foot of Dean’s bed.

“Cas!” Dean exclaimed, the corners of his lips stretching to his ears, not caring how ridiculous it made him look

God, he was so happy to see the angel, his glee shone from every pore of his skin. 

Cas’s eyes were practically sparkling, either from excitement or anxiety, Dean couldn’t tell. It was a relief to see Cas return, safe and unharmed. In the last few hours, Cas’s absence had caused Dean’s mind to swim with possibilities. But of course he was okay, he was an angel after all.

“Hey,” Dean said joyously, 

He got up from the bed and walked towards Cas, feeling the need to be close to him. All of his exhaustion had disappeared the moment Cas appeared. The angel’s eyes dropped Dean’s gaze as if he didn’t have enough energy to look anywhere but the floor.

Cas’s mood had in no way reflected Dean’s cheerful one. His hair was sticking up in every way possible, not that it didn’t do that before. His shoulders were slouched and his trenchcoat was soaked and covered in mud and...was that...blood? He swayed slightly as he stood. Dean’s cheerful mood plummeted as he took in the sight of his friend.

“Cas?” Sam asked, voice dripping with concern

It seemed Sam had picked up on the angel’s state as well. The younger hunter, stayed in his seat however, obliged to let Dean take care of it, as he watched from the sidelines. 

Dean walked closer to the angel, “Cas, buddy, you good?”

The hunter was given no response from the angel except for his eyes closing slightly. Dean moved to grip him by the upper arms, holding him so that he wouldn’t fall over. At this, Cas managed to look back up at Dean, much to the hunter’s relief. His chest swelled as he the blue eyes returned to his eyesight.

“Cas?” Dean huffed again, as he held the angel tighter

Still, Cas didn’t respond, only looking at Dean with drained eyes. This only added to Dean’s panic.

He shook Cas gently, trying to snap him out of his drowsiness. Nothing was working. Damnit. 

“Cas!” he yelled

Please be okay. Please, Cas. I need you. 

Sam leapt out of his chair to assist his brother, but Dean didn’t want anyone else near Cas right then. He knew Sam only wanted to help, of course he did, but Cas certainly didn’t need to be swarmed.

“It’s fine, Sammy. Go get the first-aide out of the car.”

Dean said a silent praise of gratitude towards his brother as Sam took no further advances towards them. The younger hunter turned around and dashed out of the motel room to the car.

Cas’ eyes shut completely and his body became limp as he fell into Dean’s arms. Dean held onto the angel for a moment, embracing him tightly while he accommodated the situation. Finally, Dean processed what was going on as his body took action.

He lifted Cas up, placing an arm at the backs of his knees and the other at his back. He carried the angel to the bed, something Dean wished would have been happening under very different circumstances.

Don’t think like that right now! He scolded himself

Dean placed him down gently, making sure Cas’s head hit the pillow softly and stood back. Dean watched the angel, who laid unconscious on his bed. He was perfect; his eyes, his lips, his body, even the angel’s wacky hair was flawless.

Dean allowed himself to admire his sleeping friend. He paid attention to the slow rise and fall of Cas’ chest. He observed the way his shirt clung to his chest in all the right ways and took into regard, the adorable little scruff on his face.

Dean was so hopelessly in love with this angel. At times, it even seemed unreal. Why did Cas have to be an angel? Why did he have to be the very thing Dean wasn’t willing to dirty with his love?  
He didn’t deserve Cas. Either way, it didn’t matter. There was no way Cas felt the same about Dean. Nobody could. Not about Dean Winchester. He was far too broken to be loved.

Dean yanked himself out of his thoughts of self-hatred, allowing himself to focus again on the angel. His angel. It was almost funny, Castiel, the heroic and all-powerful angel was supposed to be the one who watched Dean sleep. Not the other way around.

No, this wasn’t anything close to being even remotely funny. It was gut-clenching. It made Dean want to scream out, for every person, monster, angel, and demon to hear and feel his frustration. No, that wasn’t what he wanted. All Dean Winchester wanted was for his angel to love him the same way he loved the angel.

The door to the motel room sprang open then slammed shut immediately after. The noise snapped Dean out of his black hole of depressed thoughts and he looked up. 

Sam was rushing over to the bed, carrying a plastic red box in his hands. 

“Bring it over here” Dean directed,

Sam hurried to where Dean was standing at the bed. He quickly handed the first-aide off to Dean then reached to the lamp on the bedside table and flicked it on. Sam knew they would need the light if stitches were necessary on Cas.

Sure, Cas was an angel, he could heal himself -usually. But what if his grace was weakened? Dean wasn’t going to take that chance on his angel. He was grateful for his little brother as an orangey-light flooded the room, making his vision much sharper.

He set the first-aid kit aside, as he started to pull at Cas’ clothes, trying to get them off to see where his wounds were located. Again, something he wished he was doing under much different circumstances.

Sam walked around to the other side of the bed, helping Dean peel of Cas’s marred trench coat. It was a struggle, but they eventually were able to remove the long coat without damaging it further, something Dean knew Cas would be very appreciative of. 

With the coat finally off, Sam and Dean could easily see where all the blood was coming from: a gash on the left side of his chest that ran a little less than half a foot long. Not too bad. They could fix this.

Getting off his shirt was easy, most of the buttons had already been undone, something the made Dean's heart drop a little further into his stomach. No, it wasn’t what he was thinking. That wasn’t what happened. There must have been a logical explanation to why Cas’ shirt was already half-off. Right? But then, where was his suit jacket?

Dean pushed away the thought, trying to suppress his emotion as he handled Cas. Sam and Dean stripped the angel’s chest completely bare. His blue tie, trench coat, and now very bloodstained shirt, thrown off to the side somewhere.

Sam had gone to the bathroom to get a wet cloth to wipe some of the blood off Cas, leaving Dean alone with the half-naked angel.

Dean gulped at the thought.

Regardless, Sam returned with the wet cloth instantly. Dean snatched it from his hands and pressed the soaking material onto Cas’s wound immediately, thankful to have something else to think about doing. Cas made no reaction to the water assaulting the wound, raising Dean’s alarm even more. Normally, someone would at least hiss at the sting that came with rinsing out a gash. Cas’s silence was not good.

Perhaps water wasn’t enough to clean the gash, the wound might have been deeper than Dean thought.

“Go get some alcohol” Dean ordered

As he waited for Sam to come back from another errand, Dean continued to press the cloth onto his chest. Originally, the washcloth had been white. Now it was turned entirely red.

“Here,” Sam said breathlessly as he held out an opened bottle of beer.

Dean had not realised he had returned from the car already. His nerves must have really been getting the better of him. He needed to relax. Cas was going to be okay. He would be just fine. He would take care of his angel.

Dean took labored breaths, in and out, in and out, in an attempt to calm himself. It was going to be okay. He poured some of the beer onto Cas’ wound, earning a pained whimper from the still unconscious man. Dean cringed. He hated being the cause of his angel’s pain, but it was good Cas was starting to respond to what was happening.

The hunter grabbed Cas’ white shirt that had been thrown aside, using it to wipe up the excess beer and blood on his chest. Oh well, he’d buy him a new one, or he could just wear one of Dean’s. Yeah. That would work. He even knew which shirt of his Case would look best in.

Dean dug through the first-aid until his hands found a needle and tooth-floss that he had thrown into the kit about a month previous. 

When his hands were too shaky to get the makeshift string through the loop of the needle, Sam intervened, and even stitched up Cas’s bleeding chest. Dean sat down on the bed, near where Cas’s knees were. The hunter took in a breath of relief as he watched his little brother mend the angel. Something Dean knew should have been his job, being that it was his angel.

But Cas wasn’t really his, Dean reminded himself. And his hands were shaking far too much that if he tried to close Cas’ wound, Dean would probably only hurt him more.

No, he was better off just sitting on the bed instead.

When Sam had finished, after what seemed like forever, he carefully disposed of the needle and the excess tooth floss in the small trash can by the door. 

Dean took this time to stare at the stunning angel asleep on his bed. Sometimes reality would catch up to Dean, and he would realize he was looking at, and even befriended, a real live angel. Now was one of those times. He could barely believe how casual the situation had been. 

An angel needed our help, so we just patched him up on my bed and called it a day, Dean marveled.

Sam plopped down on the bed opposite to Dean’s. He must have gone to the bathroom and washed the blood off his hands while Dean was staring at Cas, for his hands were perfectly clean. The elder hunter looked down at his own hands, disappointed when he realized he would have to get up and wash them too.

Dean trudged into the bathroom and turned on the sink faucet. He let the cold water run down his hands for a few moments before adding soap. At last, when every trace of blood had been scrubbed from Dean’s hands and arms, he reappeared back into the room.

Sam was resting on his own bed, eyes shut, and taking up all of the space in his bed.

Dean sighed, “And where am I supposed to be sleeping?” he asked his brother, expectantly and raised his eyebrows

The corners of Sam’s mouth quirked up as the younger hunter opened his eyes, “Maybe in your own bed, Dean?”

The idea of sleeping in the same bed as Cas sent a wave of fluttering wings through Dean’s chest. Dean was trying to wrap his mind around what was happening. He had a perfectly logical excuse to sleep in the same bed as his angel. In fact, Dean almost had no other choice. God, now he sounded like a pervert.

“Oh, yeah, okay man,” Dean stammered, once again trying very hard to suppress his glee

He could have sworn he heard a snicker coming from the other bed, but he must have just imagined it.

Dean walked around to the empty side of the bed, and slipped beneath the blanket. He turned to face Cas, who, subconsciously, had twisted onto his side so that he was facing Dean. When did that happen? Had Sam had repositioned the angel after he had finished the stitches?

Dean drifted off to sleep as he admired the angel sleeping next to him. Dean was gifted with the most peaceful and pleasant sleep he had in a very long time. Perhaps too pleasant.

The hunter slept with his arm wrapped around Cas's waist, he held the angel close to his chest in his sleep, not waking until the sun had shone through the entire room the next morning.

When the morning light had invaded every corner of the room, Dean opened his eyes. Cas was still wrapped under his arm. He seemed to be much closer to Dean than when the hunter had fallen asleep the night before. 

The man didn't move away, he wanted to savor every second of this moment before the angel woke up. 

Cas looked so peaceful when he slept, not the serious warrior-angel who was carrying the world on top of his shoulders. The crease in his brow was relaxed, it was almost as if the angel never had a care in his life. The light reflected beautifully off of Cas’s dark hair, making it look like he had patches of sunlight clinging to him. 

Dean tried to pull the angel closer, but the movement caused Cas to open his eyes. Goddamnit. How was Dean supposed to explain what he was doing? Cas would be horrified. 

He looked at Dean with his too-blue eyes, unable to hold back a smile that was tugging at his mouth. He seemed pleased with the arrangement but Dean knew he just probably hadn't yet realized he was pressed to Dean’s side by the hunter’s arm. 

Before the angel was able to come to any conclusions, Dean threw his arm off of Cas and jumped out of bed. He could most swear that the smile on Cas’s face had faded as soon as he had done so.

“Hello, Dean” Cas said softly, as not to wake the sleeping Sam in the bed adjacent to theirs.

Dean noticed how the angel’s chest was still bare. He must have forgotten to dress him in one of his T-shirts last night.

Forgotten or avoided? Asked that goddamn annoying little voice in Dean's head 

Dean’s eyes lingered on Cas’ chest. The angel either didn't seem to notice, or just didn't mind. Dean hoped the latter, being that it was almost a first step to…

No, Dean reminded himself, Don't even go there.

It took a moment for Dean to realize that both the wound and stitches on Cas’ chest had disappeared completely.

“You're all better” Dean noted

Cas looked down at his healed chest, “Yes, I seem to have healed several hours ago,”

This confused Dean, “If you healed hours ago, why didn't you just take off then?”

Cas looked at his hands, his face had grown quite red in the last moment, “I…,” he started before taking a moment to gather his thoughts

Dean had never seen the angel at a loss for words, the nervous fluttering in his stomach grew as Cas struggled to piece together a sentence  
Wait a second...

“It was comfortable,” The angel concluded, his face was entirely scarlet and still failed to look anywhere close to where Dean was

Cas picked at the hem of the blanket, waiting for Dean to react, but the hunter had been rendered speechless as well. He was sure his face was just as flushed as the man sitting on the bed. 

Did this mean Cas felt the same way about him? The angel told him he enjoyed the way they were sleeping, that he wanted to stay. He liked being wrapped in Dean’s arms. Right?

Maybe… 

But what if Dean was completely misinterpreting the situation? What if Cas was just tired and the bed was more comfortable than continuing to pursue the case at two in the morning. That had to be what Cas was saying. There was no possible way he could ever like Dean like that. Ever.

But… 

At last, the angel looked at Dean, his blush face had no less reddened as he stumbled over his words, “I-I tried to tell you last night but…,”

The angel rolled back his shoulders before continuing, as if he was embarrassed that he had been hurt, “I know where it is,”

“It?,” Dean asked, “You mean the thing killing people?”

“Yes,” Cas said, and lifted himself out of the bed

He looked down at himself as if realizing for the first time his chest was bare, “...May I have a shirt?” He whispered and fidgeted his arms to cover his chest.

“Yeah,” Dean rushed, he dug through his duffel to grab one of his T-shirts.

His hands caught on one of the shirts and he yanked it out. It was one of his old AC/DC Tees. He couldn't even remember a time where he didn't have it. The blue had faded dramatically over the years yet still managed to remain a dark color. This was the one he had been thinking about last night...

He tossed the shirt to Cas, who was unprepared for the throw and it landed on the ground by his feet. 

The angel reached down to pick it up, his back muscles flexing perfectly in the process. It only made it worse when when he pulled it over his head. Dean averted his gaze until he was sure the shirt was completely on.  
When he looked back, he was nothing if not pleased by the sight. The shirt fit so loosely around the angel, it was kind of adorable. 

“Um,” Dean stuttered, “So where is it and what the hell happened to you last night?”

“An old daycare center on Silvester Lane,” he said, avoiding Dean’s other question. The hunter would make sure to find out later though.

Dean grabbed a pillow from the bed and flung it at Sam. The younger hunter woke immediately.

“What?” he asked hoarsely as he lifted his head from the pillow, it seemed he was too exhausted for his hunter instincts to react

Dean almost regretted waking up Sam. It seemed that both him and Dean had a deep and undisturbed sleep. Something both of the hunters needed severely and he felt kind of bad to cut if off. But this was important so he brushed the guilt aside.

“Get up. We’re gonna’ gank this son of a bitch,” Dean explained

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I was so mad that I had to cut off the distill moment there, but the plot needed to go on. Ugh. Stupid plot.  
> Next chapter gets exciting. Feedback is appreciated, I'm not getting much and I need to know if you guys are enjoying this and what you think of it. Next chapter is almost finished.


	4. Clear Minds In Dark Places

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this wraps of the case portion of Dean's memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've Got Your Hand Boy  
> You've Got My Heart  
> You've Been There For Me Right From The Start
> 
> I'll Make You See Boy  
> Just Like Before  
> I'll Be Your Something Worth Living For  
> -Beth Jo

Two Days Ago…

Dean pulled into the gravel parking lot next to the Daycare building. It was a miserable sight. The windows were shattered and any remaining glass on the frames were too filmy to see through. Piercing through the roof was a large branch off a fallen tree. Cracked and broken bricks could be seen all throughout the exterior walls, and a faded sign plastered above the main entrance that said, ‘Little Angels Daycare’. Dean scoffed at the name.

“Hey, Cas, looks like we’re supposed to drop you off here,” He teased with a smile and looked to the backseat for a reaction from him

“Why would you be supposed to leave me here?” The angel didn’t get it, of course not

Dean’s smile faded, “It’s a...nevermind,”

He and Sam got out of the car and began to load up on weapons. Sam pocketed several salt rounds and picked out a sawed-off shotgun. He reached to pick up Ruby’s knife before Dean slapped his hand away. Sam looked to his brother, confused.

“Mine,” Dean stated, reaching for the knife for himself

He ignored as his younger brother rolled his eyes as he tucked the knife into his jacket.

He was going to take this demon down in front of Cas.

“You should each take an angel blade as well, for precaution.” Cas suggested as he appeared next to the hunters from the backseat of the Impala.

“Nah,” Dean dismissed, he was going to show this angel how skilled he was, “We’ll be fine. Hey, Sammy, grab me that pistol.”

Sam reached down to hand his brother the white .50 he had gestured towards, which Dean loaded into the other side of his jacket.

Whatever did this to Cas was probably not an angel. In fact, Dean was already almost positive it was a demon. Why else would it kill innocent people and leave behind a sulfur stench? There would be no need for such weapons on a demon.

“Dean,” The angel protested “I think we should bring them, to be safe”

Dean was beginning to grow aggravated with the angel’s stubbornness. They were hunting a demon. Dean was sure of it now, and he hated when people doubted him. Especially Cas. He was going to stroll in there with nothing other than the lone demon knife and he was going to kill the damned things that hurt Cas.

“We don’t need angel blades. This is a demon.” Dean stated, looking to Sam for help but the other hunter was clearly trying to stay out of the argument as he busied himself in suiting himself in weapons.

“I don’t think this is a demon,” the angel continued. Dean had no idea what his deal was. It was obviously a demon. Could Cas not keep his mouth shut from time to time? He just wanted to show off a little, Jesus, no harm no foul.

“And why not?” Dean snorted, turning to finally face his friend

“Because it overpowered me. Demons cannot do that.” 

“Alistair did,” Dean pointed out, knowing it would get the angel to drop the subject

And it did. Cas looked away and shifted his feet uncomfortably. Dean felt a little guilty and wanted to take it back. He wasn’t sure why he had been on such a short fuse with him lately. Clearly Alistair was still a sore topic for all of them. For Cas probably because it was a short while after that, that he had started questioning his heavenly orders. Dean knew anything even remotely close to his banishment of heaven was a no-no for discussion topics.

And even if Cas was into men, Dean thought as his mind began to wander back to what had happened earlier, how could he ever love someone as screwed up and cruel as Dean? He tortured souls, for Christ’s sake. No angel, an outcast or not, could ever love such a corrupted soul.

But then Dean reminded himself of the fact that Cas still thought of him as the Righteous Man. Despite everything, his sins and mistakes, he was still pure in the angel’s eyes. Pure. There was that word again. The word he associated with Cas. If Dean was so pure to Cas, could it be a sign that he loved him too? Didn’t they have a ‘profound bond’ or whatever it was that the angel had called it?

No. It wasn’t possible for Cas to love him. He only cared for him as his friend. If anything, the angel identified Dean as a brotherly figure, but that was it. Dean needed to face the facts and stop allowing his fantasies to get the better of him.

“Dean?” Sam said, snapping the elder hunter from his melancholy thoughts

“Yeah,” Dean said, taking the hint to shut the trunk

Together, the three of them made their way to the entrance of the abandoned daycare center. Honestly, Dean wouldn't have been surprised if they learned it was haunted as well. Just as they entered the building, Cas flew off, saying he would scope out the building for the demon, making sure to annunciate the last word. He was gone before either Winchester had the chance to protest. 

An uneasy feeling grew in Dean’s chest. He didn’t like Cas going off by himself. Not after what this demon did to him last night.

Barely any light seeped into the building, leaving the brothers to navigate their way in the darkness. Luckily, Sam had been smart enough to bring a flashlight. He turned it on and let the beam of light bounce onto the walls.

Dean took in the sight of the inside of the building. It was in no better condition than the outside. The walls were covered in peeling paintings of Sesame Street characters, rainbows and the sun. Bookshelves had been left up against some of the walls but they had sustained some serious damage through their years of use. Papers were strewn throughout the rooms. Some desks still remained, though they were all broken and lying in different positions. 

 

Definitely not creepy. Dean just wanted to find where Cas wandered off to, kill the demon and call it a day. He missed his memory foam mattress in the bunker. God, that thing was amazing. He would wake up feeling so wonderful. He almost didn’t fantasize about having another body lying next to him, but every morning all his heart ached for was to have his angel wrapped up in his arms sleeping. Last night, Dean almost had that. It wasn’t exactly what he wanted, but Cas was still present in the bed with him through the entire night. 

Shut the hell up, Dean thought, and forced himself to focus on his surroundings.

He made his way down a hallway even darker than the lobby, as Sam scoped out the one adjacent. So far, the building seemed vacant but Dean knew better than to judge so early on. He continued walking, passing empty classrooms until he heard a loud thud followed by a cry of pain. Cas!

The noise came from one of the rooms ahead of him, he quickened his pace to a sprint, diving into the ones without doors, and practically destroying the ones that were. 

“Cas!” He hollered, hoping to get a response that would steer him to the right classroom.

His friend didn’t call back to him, which made Dean’s chest tighten viciously. Instead, he heard a wicked laugh from a class only two doors ahead. Dean sped to the room. 

“Back for another round, angel?” said a voice before erupting in another fit of laughter, “It did seem our session had been cut short by your escape. Don’t worry, that won’t happen again.”

Dean barreled into the room, only to stop short by the sight. Cas was lying on the ground, his side pressed up to the wall as if he had just been thrown against it. That explained the thud. Dean longed to hold him and make sure he was okay, but he shoved the urge down as he tried to concentrate on the current situation.

A man stood above Cas, with his back to Dean. Cas’s face hovered above the floor, his eyes squeezed shut as he had a coughed up blood. Neither the demon nor Cas had noticed Dean’s entrance. He decided to take advantage of this as he silently crept up behind the demon with Ruby’s knife ready to strike. He was going to gank this bastard for everything he did to his angel. He was going to pay for this.

The demon was still too occupied taunting Cas, he still didn’t notice Dean even as he was right behind him. Dean plunged the knife into his back and retreated a few steps as he waited for the monster to die. 

It didn’t.

No, something was definitely wrong. There was no electric surge emitting from the demon’s body, no final dying shouts. That was never good. 

The demon spun around to face Dean, grabbing him by the lapels of his collar. The knife was still stuck into his backside, but it clearly didn’t bother him.

“Ah,” The demon said in recognition, “Dean. I know all about you.” he sneered

Cas snapped his head up at the sound of Dean’s name. The hunter’s chest fluttered intensely at the action. The angel blinked rapidly as he looked at Dean. He must have still been dazed from being thrown into the wall.

“Dean?” He wheezed desperately

Dean wanted to reassure the angel with his calming words, telling him that everything was going to be okay. But he had another problem at the moment, so he instead put on his brave-mask, trying to act like there was nothing to be afraid of. 

But there was. What the hell kind of demon doesn’t die from Ruby’s knife?

“Oh yeah?” Dean asks the demon, trying to stall as he waited for Sammy to come find them, “Tell me, then. I love talking about myself”

Dean’s voice wavered. He dreaded the possibilities of what the demon would say. He already hated himself enough, he didn’t need to be reminded yet again of his failures. Starting the apocalypse, not being able to keep Sam away from the ‘dark side’, all the hunts gone wrong-

“Well, where do I even start? You’ve screwed everything up so many times,”

Dean’s heart sunk even lower into his chest. He just needed to hold out until Sam got here. He could do this.

“Oh,” the demon chirps, “I suppose I know the worst one, though,”

The hunter could feel his pulse pounding in his body, his heart thrumming wildly in his chest. He did not want to hear this. He hated myself enough as it was.

His own ability to muster a confident voice surprised him, “Let’s hear it then,”

The demon grinned, and used Dean’s collar to pull him closer, “Him. Your angel. The one who broke himself trying to fix you.”

Dean wasn’t expecting this. He should have, yet he didn’t. As usual, he was so busy thinking about ways he let down, Sam, his father, the world, his mind did not even come across Cas, the angel who was lying here, bleeding on the ground because Dean asked him to be here. Heck, if it was not for Dean, Cas would probably still be in heaven right now, as an all mighty angel with the power of heaven at his fingertips. But no, he was here. With Dean.

“You selfish man, dragging an angel down from heaven just to fit your own needs and wants,” the demon spoke, as if continuing Dean’s thoughts, “And what has he gotten from you in return? Nothing. After he gave you everything. That’s true evil right there. I almost admire you.”

Dean couldn’t take another word of this. It was too much. Sure, it was one thing to think those things in his head, but to hear it out loud. It wasn’t something Dean could handle.

“Shut up,” he hissed, “You don’t know jack-squat,”

The demon chuckled, which made Dean’s breakfast want to give an encore performance, “Oh, but it seems I do.”

Before Dean could respond, the pounding of feet filled the hall, “Dean!” Sam’s voice called out

Finally. Sam was coming to the rescue. The demon seemed to realize this too.

If possible, his grip on Dean’s jacket became even tighter as he launched the man into the floor.  
Dean crumpled onto the ground, unable to breathe air into his lungs. Spots filled his vision as he fought to stay conscious.

The next moments had been a blur. Dean remembered Sam being knocked out the moment he step foot into the room. The demon walked back to Cas, still barely conscious, not unlike Dean at that point.

The demon pulled Cas into a chokehold as he drew Cas’s own angel blade to his neck. The angel’s eyes started to droop as he looked back at Dean desperately. When the air began to return to the hunter, he used all of it to plead to the demon and trying to get up on his feet and fight. In the end, neither tactic worked.

“You see, Dean,” The demon said as he pressed his mouth uncomfortably close to Cas’s face, “That demon knife don’t work ‘cause I’m no demon. Try using angel blades next time you try to fight an angel.”

At last, Dean lifted himself, onto his feet, taking shecky steps towards the demon. But it was too late. Both him and Cas disappeared in a flutter of wings and Dean found himself grasping at thin air. He let his best friend, and secretly, the love of his life, get captured. 

All Dean could hear was the bastard’s words on replay “Try using angel blades next time you try to fight an angel.”

It was not a demon. It was an angel. It was a goddamned angel and Dean hadn’t brought angel blades. They had stood no chance at all because Dean had been too stupid and wanted to show off. And now, as always, Cas was paying the price.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit, Cas is in trouble. Thanks Dean. Things ain't looking great. Anyway, I hope you guys are enjoying the story, if you are, please let me know. Give me any kind of feedback so I know what you think. Also, is anybody an artist who wants to make some fanart for this that I can include in the story? Let me know if you're interested and we can work out the details.
> 
>  
> 
> Is there anything specific you guys want to see in future chapters? Lmk! Kudos are so appreciated! 
> 
> In case you were wondering where I've been getting the song lyrics from, they're from 'Destiel' and 'Blue Eyed Angel', which are two amazing songs by Beth Jo about Destiel.


	5. How Am I Going To Bring You Home?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another mini-chapter. I know, I know, I'm sorry. This picks up directly at the prologue, Dean tries to talk to Sam...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, but this is a really short chapter. I felt the need to update this because I didn't like where I left it, and I had like no time because I was in the emergency room for the better part of last night. I think LianDD agreed to do some art for this, so get excited for that!
> 
>  
> 
> I'm all messed up, I'm so out of line  
> Stilettos and broken bottles  
> I'm spinning around in circles  
> And I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her  
> I'm right over here  
> Why can't you see me?  
> -Calum Scott

Bunker-PRESENT  
“Where is the angel thing you were talking about?” is all Dean can say  
Sam looks slightly surprised, probably because Dean is easily agreeing with him for once. He scans the newspaper, worn at the corners from his nervous fingering of the paper as he reads, searching through the article again for the location of the murders.  
“Riggin, North Dakota,” he announces  
Dean recognises the town somehow. With his driving, they could probably make it there in about eight hours. It could be a lead, but Dean wants to be sure that they would not wasting their time chasing tails.  
“How long ago was the last murder?” he asks, unable to keep the disinterest from seeping into his tone  
Sam hesitates a moment, which enables Dean to understand that this would be a waste of time, despite what Sam might say. The elder hunter settles back in his chair knowingly. He would not need to get up. They were not going waste precious time going to North Dakota.  
“A couple months,” Sam says, fulfilling Dean’s prediction  
The trail left in Riggin was long dead before they had even encountered the angel in the first place.  
Sam sees the skepticism in Dean’s eyes and races to continue before completely losing Dean’s interest, “But-”  
“It’s a lost cause, Sammy”  
This time, his voice seems both carefree and hopeless all at once. Not unlike the stoner-Cas that Dean met in the apocalypse-future. His heart clenched at an additional reminder of his friend.   
He takes another gulp of beer, trying to drown out reality, but his brother, stubborn as always, pulls him back.  
“Are you calling Cas a lost cause?” Sam asks, attempting to trick Dean into a different mindset.  
“Never!” his voice rises, but he cuts himself off, he shouldn’t be taking out his anger on Sam, “I’m just afraid we might miss something, okay? I want to make sure we’re using our time for the right things.”  
“I know” Sam says softly  
No, he doesn’t. How could he? How the hell could Sam possibly understand what Dean is feeling right now? How could he explain the feeling of trying to deal with having the person he is in love with, being captured and probably tortured all because Dean was being a pig-headed dick to him. The emotion of the need to hide his true feelings towards his best friend so much, that he acts like a monster to him so that his friend would not find out. The guilt of it all being his fault. The fear that he may never see Cas again. The longing for him, because he missed him so much. The frustration that Cas could never truly be his. The sadness of what he could never have. The loneliness of not having Cas around. The fear that he could die if Dean does not rescue him. The anger towards the angel that did this to Cas. The despair because Dean could not find a way to help him. No, Sam could not even imagine what was going through Dean’s mind.  
“I need to find him, Sammy,” he whispered, barely loud enough for the other man to hear  
He fidgets with the bottle of beer, only a few sips remain of it. Sam sits quietly. He watches Dean, and listens as he speaks the few heartfelt words allowed to slips past the elder hunter’s guarded walls.  
“I need him,” the green-eyed man says simply, his throat is tight and he forbids himself from saying more, for fear that his voice may break  
“I know,” Sam repeats with conviction  
Dean allows himself a second to believe that maybe, just maybe, his brother would understand this, the insane web of complex emotions Dean has woven himself into. But the second passes and Dean’s walls have built themselves back up. He stands suddenly. The chair screeches back as he does so. Without another word, Dean marches off, giving into the impulse of having to run and hide from any emotionally-tense situations.  
Yet part of him still wishes he could just tell Sam. How hard could it be to tell his accepting and modern-minded brother ‘I’m completely, utterly, and hopelessly in love with Cas’? Then again, he still can’t even say I love you, to the angel himself.  
Dean finds himself in front of his room door. He had been so lost in thought, he didn't even remember the process of actually walking there.   
He opens the door and plops down on the bed. He closes his eyes intending to give himself a moment to collect himself, but as soon as his head brushes against the pillow, Dean’s brain betrays him and the man falls into a much needed slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this was short. I'm sorry. Next chapter will be of Cas' perspective, and let's just say things aren't going great for him. Let me know what you think of the story or if there is something you want to see/happen in a future chapter. Or if you just want to say something. I don't know. I think I need to get a life.
> 
> Also I hate the title of the story so let me know if you have any suggestions please! 
> 
> Be sure to leave kudos if you're enjoying this!


	6. He Doesn't Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas wakes up and is introduced to his captor. This takes place twenty four hours ago previous to the last chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one starts off with Cas's perspective, so we get to see how he's doing. I'm kinda proud of myself -two chapters in under twenty four hours? How's that possible? Oh wait, I haven't done any school work yet. That would be the reason.
> 
> I know you think your hope has died beneath your bones  
> I can see the light that guides me  
> You know we haven't won  
> You might think I was wrong  
> But everything I've done  
> I'm not sorry  
> -Beth Jo

Unknown-24 HOURS AGO

Cas’s head felt like it had been split open. It throbbed and pounded furiously. He tried to open his eyes, but he still couldn’t see anything. What was happening? Why couldn’t he see? Cas wanted to rub his eyes but his hands were bound above his head.

His heart thrummed loudly within his chest as his fright began to arise. He jerked his arms, causing a clashing-metal sound and a sharp pain around his wrists from what must have been metal cuffs. The throbbing extended to engulf the entirety of both his wrists. Cas cried out at the feeling, though the sound was muffled by fabric tied tightly against his mouth. He was gagged.  
It was so hard to think with the ache in his skull, which was demanding all of his attention, but he slowly began to process somewhat of what was going on: his wrists had been bound and chained above his head, he was blindfolded, and gagged, and after a cold shiver, he realised his chest was completely bare.  
He tugged again at his wrists, despite the painful tenderness, which were no doubt all torn up and bloody. He had to find a way out. How did he even end up here? Who did this? Where were Dean and Sam? Cas prayed they were safe.  
The sound of footsteps approaching interrupted his panicked thoughts. All of the sudden the blindfold was ripped away mercilessly, leaving Cas with a blurry and useless vision.   
He squinted his eyes, not allowing himself even a moment to look away from whoever was standing in front of him.  
“Hello, Castiel,” said the voice  
Cas had definitely heard it before, but from where? He tried to look at the man, blinking and squinting so that his eyes would focus, but all he could distinguish was a dark and blurry shape in front of him. He was a big man, Cas noticed, but other than that, he was as good as blind.  
“I missed you while you were sleeping,” he said in mock-sincerity  
Cas remained silent. Instead he simply leaned his forehead onto his left arm, still bound above his head, as the pain in his head grew sharper. He groaned as his mind raced, trying to figure out who the man was. Cas’s eyes drooped a little in the process. His body seemed to finally register his energy depletion, and it was beginning to shut down. How human. The man must have drawn sigils to block Cas’s grace, which would make escaping a whole lot harder.  
“Ah-ah,” the man cooed as Cas gave into the exhaustion and let his eyes fall shut, “Look at me,” he demanded   
But Cas was too tired to comply. He just wanted to sleep. This disaster he was in could be put off temporarily as he slept. Just a little bit of sleep wouldn’t do any harm...  
The man grabbed Cas’s chin, holding it in a steel grip and so that the smaller man had no choice but to see him.  
“Look at me when I speak to you,” he growled  
Cas opened his eyes again looking at the man, his fatigue had faded as fear returned. It was then that his vision cleared enough to distinguish the man’s features. There was some familiarity to the sight but it was not until he felt the man’s free hand slide it’s way down to Cas’s hip and held on tightly, that Cas began to recognise who it was. He remembered those hands and their painful hold on his hips, the bruises he still had from his previous encounter...  
A light bulb finally lit up in Cas’s head: it was the mystery creature they were hunting. This is who held him captive. It was him that Sam, Dean, and Cas had gone after at the Daycare center, his brain recalled. His last memory of the hunt was being grabbed by the man and watching as Sam and Dean had been beaten to the ground.   
But it was not a man…  
A memory from the hunt replayed in Cas’s head where he was telling Dean that this creature was an angel. So he was captured by an angel. This could be a good thing. Maybe Cas could try to reason with him, but he still could not think clearly enough. The exhaustion began to claw its way back to the front of Cas’s brain after being shoved down for that short moment.   
He tried to fight it, having just learned that there would be consequences for not obeying. Yet despite his efforts, Cas found himself closing his eyes again.   
“Hey!” the angel snarled, giving Cas’s hip a cruel squeeze to jolt his consciousness, “Do you know who I am, Castiel?”  
Cas shook his head weakly. Had the angel held a personal vendetta against him? Was it something Cas had done to him, or had he just lost sight of heaven well enough to hunt and kill angels?  
“I am Bernael,” he said, stepping even closer to Cas, “You need guidance, Castiel. You have fallen so far.”  
Cas cringed, not wanting to hear this speech. Most angels did not seem to understand; Cas had not fallen from heaven, but rather for someone. He had fallen in love with Dean Winchester, the Righteous Man, and there was nothing Cas could even do about it.  
“You fell for a human, Castiel. Do you even know how wrong that is? But no, your sins had not stopped there. Not only was it a human, Castiel, but a man! He was the Righteous Man, but now he’s just a monster. No better than the demons he hunts.”  
Cas squeezed his eyes shut again, pulling at the chains above his head, focusing on the fresh pain it caused. He did not want to hear this. He knew, of course he knew, how how broken and worthless he was. He knew that he could never be someone Dean loved. He thought about it all the time!  
“He could have been a holy man, but you let him sin.” Bernael continued, “You weren’t fast enough to save him in hell before he broke, and it’s your fault.”  
Yes, Cas knew that too. He could never remove from his memory the look on Dean’s face when he told him that it was him who broke the first seal in his time in hell. The man could not even look at Cas after, he must have been so disgusted with Cas’s failure to save him in time.  
“But you know what the most pathetic part of it all is? You fell so far, you ruined yourself for Dean Winchester, when he would never love you back. I mean, really, Castiel? How could you believe that he could love a fallen angel? You’re nothing. You’re worse than any kind of demon or monster you will ever kill.”  
His cheeks were wet as tears slipped down his face. He knew this. He hated himself for failing Dean so tremendously. Everytime he tried to make something right, Cas only screwed things up further. He knew this but hearing it out loud tore his heart to shreds anyway.  
“Don’t cry, Castiel. Stop crying.” Bernael demanded, but Cas could not stop the tears, “You did this to yourself.”  
At least Sam and Dean were safe, and hopefully they were not looking for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My brain is completely fried, and I need someone to please tell me how to insert images. I know I need the embed code, which I'm using but it's not working. Can someone please help so I can get the fanart up? LianDD spent so long on it and it's gorgeous. So...please help.
> 
> In case you guys are wondering what’s up with the switching back and forth between tenses, it because Dean’s perspective is in the present, while Cas’ takes place when he first wakes up while being captured. Sorry for any confusion!
> 
> Okay, this chapter is total shit and probably the worst thing I've ever written so I'm definitely going to go back and re-edit this before I post chapter seven.
> 
> It’s been about six months since I’ve read Twist and Shout and I’m going through a painful withdrawal period and I need to relapse, but not enough where I would bring myself to reread it (I don’t hate myself that much). Does anybody know of any good sequels that people have created?
> 
> Btw, the name Bernael has a meaning behind it. Let’s see if you can find out what.
> 
> Be sure to leave kudos if you're enjoying this!


	7. Close Your Eyes And Forget All About Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I took so long to update this, my depression has kept me from functioning but its a little better now and I miss writing. So... yeah, sorry.

Bunker-Present  
“Dean!” calls out a muffled voice  
Dean opens his eyes, finding himself lying on his bed. Crap, he must have fallen asleep. All Dean wanted to do was sit for a moment so he could rest, but he had in no means intended to fall asleep. He just wasted so much time when he could have been looking for Cas. Goddammit, Dean despises himself. He should be putting Cas’s needs in front of his own for once, yet he manages to sleep anyway. He is in no doubt, a shitty person.  
His door opens, and Sam’s head pops in, “Did you get any sleep?” he asks concerned  
Again, Dean is reminded of how much of a terrible person he is. He should be the one taking care of Sam, making sure Sam got sleep. It was his job, he was the older brother after all. Not only that, Dean’s mind adds, but he left Sam by himself to look for Cas. That was supposed to be his job too. Cas is his angel.  
No he’s not, Dean remembers. Cas is not his. Cas would never be his because he could never love someone as despicable as Dean. Only in the hunter’s dreams could he hold the angel. Not in reality. Never in reality.  
“Yeah, how long was I out?” Dean asks, hoping it hadn’t been over an hour  
Sam checks his watch and smiles contentedly, “Almost eight hours,”  
Eight hours? Was Sam joking? Dean stares at his brother, slack jawed. Eight hours, how was that even possible? The most sleep Dean could ever get at once was four or five hours. Never any more.  
“Anyway,” Sam says, “I was talking to Crowley-”  
Dean lets out an exasperated sigh and mumbled a sarcastic, “Of course,”  
Honestly, Dean is not sure why they hadn’t ganked the son of a bitch yet. After what Crowley did to them- especially what he had manipulated Cas into, they should kill him on sight. Instead, they ask him for favors and tolerate his sass and small talk.  
Sam ignores the comment and starts again, a little more firmly, “I was talking to Crowley, who heard something from one of his demons who said the angel’s name is Bernael.”  
A chill runs down Dean’s spine at the word angel. The reminder that Cas would be safe and unharmed if Dean had only brought the goddamned angel blade.  
“Dean,” Sam says, snapping Dean out of his thoughts, “Are you even listening to me?”  
“Yeah, Sammy, continue,” he says quietly  
He fiddles with the sheets that are bunched up on his side as he listens to Sam talk. He can’t help the guilt from rising when he thinks about Cas. It was all his fault. If Cas does -no don’t think like that, Dean says to himself silently.   
Finally, Dean manages to look up at his brother, who seems all too hopeful for their situation.  
“Well, Crowley knows where Cas might be,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so like I said before, someone needs to help me insert the art into the story for me because it's not working even with the embedding code. I know I'm doing something wrong. Please help.
> 
> ALSO: My friend read the story, not knowing I had wrote it, and all she said was ‘this needs smut’. Guys, does it actually? I was probably just going to heavily imply anything too explicit, but...should I include it? Please let me know what you want me to do.


	8. Where We Belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some more Bernael and Cas. Sorry, Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah, okay. First of all, thank you for all the love and support I got from you guys, it was not at all what I was expecting. Your comments made my day, and trust me, I was having a really bad day. They also kept me from dealing with it in bad ways... 
> 
> Again, I apologize for the ridiculously long time it took to update this, I swear it would have been done earlier but a had a panic attack, so that didn't happen. Okay, sorry for all the excuses...
> 
> Anyway...I'm so glad you guys are enjoying the story regardless of my bullshit. 
> 
> I felt so evil writing this chapter. I'm only evil at night...I wrote this at night.
> 
> So, thanks for sticking with the story despite my many issues getting in the way of updating. Okay...just...I'm shutting up now. Sorry.

“Don’t cry, Castiel. Stop crying. You did this to yourself.”

He leaned forward, the angels’ faces close enough to touch.

“You’re so pretty,” Bernael said as he gazed at Cas’ body

The smaller angel stifled a whimper. He was not sure what Bernael meant by that, but he knew it was not anything good. But whatever happened, Cas knew he probably had this coming. He most likely did something to deserve this.

Cas registered a wariness that was nagging him in the back of his mind. Something was wrong, said Cas’ gut. Above all else, something felt out of place with his body, like it was exposed in a way he wasn’t already aware of.

He glanced down, all that was missing was his shirt, nothing more. Still, something was out of place. Cas ignored the instinct and focused on the threat hovering no more than a few inches from his face.

As Cas looked back at the other angel, Bernal grinned wickedly, “You’re pathetic, you know that, Castiel?”

Cas tried to swallow, but the task had become oddly difficult in his fear. Whatever Bernael was going to do to him, he wished he would just get it over with. The anxiety of it was creeping up on Cas like his own shadow following him around.  
“He doesn’t want you. You’re just the whore he calls when he needs something, a pet. That’s all you’ll ever be. You’re not his friend,”

Cas watched as Bernael spoke, biting down on the gag as the words hit him like bricks. Those stupid tears refused to stop and Cas hoped Bernael wouldn’t notice. But this was not Cas’ lucky day. 

The larger angel glanced at his cheeks and took one hand off of Cas’ hips to wipe away the tears harshly, “Castiel,” he cood wickedly as his gaze became focused on something behind Cas, “Has anyone ever touched your wings before?”

Cas stiffened before panic flooded him. He jerked harder on his chains, crying out at the pain it had induced but continued anyway. He had to get out of here. He had to escape. To angels, their wings were precious and private. Any contact involving their wings was extremely intimate, and Cas was not about to let Bernael take away that dignity. 

Bernael laughed as he watched Cas struggle to get away from him. In Heaven, many angels would parade their wings, stretching them out to display their full wingspan. Raising their wings was a sign of ferocity and dominance. Cas would try to copy the other angels’ behavior, as he was one of the younger fledglings. For the most part, Cas had fit in but his wings were well...different.

Not in a bad way. Cas’ wings were jet black, a stark difference to the tans, browns and whites of the other angels. Cas remembered Gabriel’s wings. They were a beautiful gold. Cas had been shy about his own wings, everyone would always whisper about them, but Gabriel would take his hand and tell him not to worry, and eventually Cas had gained some pride in them. But now, chained and beat, he was stripped of any pride he once had, thinking about what would happen if Dean were to see him like this.

“He’d think that you are disgusting,” Bernael sneered, voicing Cas’ fears, “Nothing more than a pet, a slut. Can you imagined what the Winchesters would think if they saw your wings, Castiel? They’d think that you’re impure. Why are they black? Angel wings should be white and tawny. Even the Winchesters know that. They won’t ever accept you, not truly,”

Bernael reached to his gag and ripped it off roughly, wanting a response. Cas could barely form a sentence with the tightness in his throat, the pounding in his head or his overall fear

“Sam and Dean love me,” Cas choked out, but deep down, he knew Bernael’s words were true. He could feel new tears spilling down his cheeks.

“Oh, baby brother, you have so much to learn. Can you not feel them? Have you not noticed a difference?”

“F-feel w-what?” Cas stuttered, anxious that Bernael knew something he didn’t

The larger angel reached his hand towards Cas’ neck. Cas imagined that he would wrap his hands around his throat and choke him, but his fingers curled around something that was attached to his neck instead; a chain. Bernael gave a brutal tug at the chain, pulling Cas forward, closer to him. He noticed for the first time, the cruel compression of metal tightly secured around his neck. 

So Bernael had him collared like an animal. The thought of it made Cas’ stomach churn.

“You don’t feel,” Bernael started again, “how your wings are protruding from your back just now? How they’re physically present in this room?”

Cas went rigid. It was too late. The angel had already forced his wings into this plane of existence. Bernael must have done it while he was still unconscious. They were here, anybody could see them now, touch them…

Yes, he felt them now. Now, he was aware of how his wings hung limply from his back, the tips of feathers brushing slightly on the cold ground.

“No,” Cas whimpered in a small voice, “p-please, not th-this. An-anything b-but th-this,”

Through the increased panic, it was becoming harder for Cas to form sentences. How could he have let this happen? How could he have ended up here?

Bernael walked behind Cas, where he could no longer see him or what he was doing. His breathing began to speed up uncontrollably. It was making him more dizzy than he already was. Cas attempted to calm his breathing but to no avail. He was helpless. Cas just wanted to wake up from this nightmare, to open his eyes to see Sam and Dean standing over him with concerned faces. Dean would be as close as possible, joking how he missed out on some five-star pie the hunter had eaten while Cas was asleep. Sam would have rolled his eyes to Dean’s comment and the two siblings would bicker as Cas chuckled at the sight. It was warm and happy, and filled with unconditional love; a family. Cas held onto this image, to the only bright place he had left. 

But this was just a lie he had created for himself. He was not there equals. They didn’t love him and it was a family that Cas was not a part of. He was a pet. The last bit of light from the image faded away, leaving Cas back in reality, where he was chained, bleeding, and near hyperventilating. He zoned in on a voice coming from right behind him and realized that Bernael was speaking to him.

“I remember you from Heaven, you know. I used to watch you, you would follow Gabriel the Archangel, trying to grab at his feathers. He never got mad at you, even though us angels cherish our wings so greatly. You were just a child then, you still are, Heaven’s youngest angel. But now you understand in completion what wings mean to an angel. That’s why it’s going to be so much fun to tear that away from you.”

Cas knew he was shaking again. His breathing wasn’t in control yet either. “P-please,” he begged, knowing it wouldn’t do him much good, but he had to try. 

Like expected, Bernael did not comply. He only continued with his speech, breathing warm air onto the back of Cas’ neck, “We adored you, Castiel. All of us. We took care of you, protected you. You were Heaven’s jewel, even despite your wings. But look where you are now, you slut, cast out of Heaven for the sake of the Not-so-Righteous Man. Following his every order like the obedient pet that you are.”

Cas’ mind stopped. Stopped trying to think of an escape. Stopped trying to bring back happy memories. Stopped trying to distract him from what was happening. It just stopped. All he could comprehend was here and now. Nothing else. His pounding heart faded to background noise, yet at the same time it had become louder than ever. The sharpness of each increasing pain coincided with his throbbing body no longer registering to him. Just here and now, here and now. Just Bernael standing close behind him, all that was left of his self-respect was about to be ripped away from him. Here and now, here and now. 

The dizziness was beginning to take control. Black spots besieged his vision until Cas could no longer see at all. His head had been emptied of all it’s weight. He was terrified, but of what? What was it he was so scared of? In that moment, Cas couldn’t even remember. He could feel his knees giving out and his body sagged as much as possible while still being chained above his head. Cas couldn’t tell how long this lasted, how long his vision left him and he had but no clue as to what was happening. It was all just fear.

 

At last, his thoughts and senses returned to him slowly. Immediately, he pondered as to why when he collapsed, it hadn’t sent a relapse of agony to his wrists, which were all that would be supporting the entirety of his weight. But as his awareness continued to come back, his question was answered as he felt large hands gripping tightly at his hips, holding him up. His vision began to clear and he saw Bernael standing in front of him again.

“You were breathing too fast, slut,” he said plainly, “Are you afraid of me?”

What sort of question what that? It seemed so plain that Cas was scared to reply, incase it wasn’t the answer Bernael wanted.

“Well?” Bernael pressed, impatient for a response while he crushed Cas’ hips in his hands

“Yes!” he yelped and Bernael smiled

“You still haven’t answered my other question, bitch,” 

Cas looked at him in confusion, unsure as to which question he was referring to. Bernael released his grip on Cas, and the younger angel made sure to plant his feet on the ground properly so that it was his legs supporting him and not so much his wrists. Bernael moved back to where he had previously been standing behind him.

“So, little angel, ever have somebody touch your wings before?”

“Please,” he begged breathlessly, “Please, don’t do this. Please,” the tears were streaming more steadily now, flowing rapidly down his cheeks.

Bernael spoke, ignoring as Cas continued to whimper and beg quietly. His body was shaking tremendously and his crying only made it worse, “You little whore. I bet you were waiting, hoping that one day Dean Winchester would be the one to touch you, take you. What a slut, aren’t you? You never belonged in Heaven, slut. I’m the one who’s going to take that from you. But don’t worry. Dean can keep you when I’m done, if he even wants to look at you after seeing your wings and what a slut you really are.”  
He reached his hand out to Cas’ trembling wings. At first, Cas’ cries and whimpers loudened but it only took a couple of seconds before his body betrayed him and let out a moan. Cas hated himself for responding this way, but he couldn’t help it. The feeling of hands stroking his feathers was better than anything Cas had ever imagined it would be. His crying and whimpering stopped. He was completely silent aside from the moans that escaped his lips. A few more seconds and the trembling had ceased almost entirely.

“Such a slut,” he heard Bernael muse

And he was. This was wrong. This was so wrong, the way he was entirely helpless as his own brother touched his wings in ways that should not have happened, the way Cas wanted to think he wasn’t enjoying it but there he was, moaning at the sensation. He deserved this, truely. He was ignorant to think he was ever above any of it. After all, this is where he belonged: at the mercy of somebody more worthy than himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If relationships suck and you know it, clap your hands *clap clap*
> 
> Okay, sorry, sorry, that wasn't even funny. Again help needed with inserting the picture. I swear I will not abandon this story. Tell me your thoughts and stuff, I appreciate them. Or maybe just say hi, okay, I need to get some friends. 
> 
> Oh! So somebody brought this up on fanfiction, where Dean's refusal to bring the angel blades was a little ooc and I realized they were right, so if you noticed this too, then I'm really sorry about that, but I promise to amend it in a later chapter with Dean. 
> 
> Okay, yeah...I'm done, I'm done.
> 
> One more thing...sorry again about this chapter. Okay that's it. No more. I promise.


	9. This Bird Of Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get worse over with Cas. Sam and Dean have a 'talk'
> 
> So...I'm back, finally. Thank you so much for all of the support and love sent while I was gone. Have I gotten better? No, but I'm not going to make that your problem. So, here's a new update. It's short, but I'll probably be updating again this weekend. 
> 
> tw: implied rape.

**Bunker-Present**

Dean scoffs and rolls his eyes at his brother.

 

“Crowley knows where Cas might be,” he repeats to himself

 

Sam shifts his stance uncomfortably as he waits patiently by the door.

 

“Crowley knows where Cas might be,” Dean says again humorously

 

He smiles bitterly for a moment before standing up and trudges past Sam down the hall.

 

“What are you doing?” his brother asks as Dean enters the kitchen

 

“Getting a drink,”

 

Dean knows his younger brother disapproves of this. He knows Sam is going to try to have a ‘talk’ with him, but right now, he just needs a goddamn beer. He can’t deal with this sober anymore. 

 

He grabs a drink out of the fridge and leans his elbows onto the counter. Just as he uncaps the beer, he hears Sam’s footsteps entering the kitchen, “Dean,”

 

Dean doesn’t turn around to look at him. He wasn’t in the mood for a talk. He throws his head back as he gulps down the beer, waiting for the inevitable conversation. Instead, there’s only silence.    Dean’s curiosity gets the best of him and he turns around. Maybe there wouldn’t be a talk after all?

 

Sam’s watching him with a pity-filled expression. Stupid Sam. Dean rolls his eyes, frustrated with his brother. He takes another few sips of the beer.

 

“I know this is hard Dean.” Sam raises his hands up defensively

 

Dean shakes his head, “No, you don’t, Sammy,”

 

He keeps gulping down his drink until it’s finished. Dean waits for Sam to interpret his words, hoping that he wouldn’t need to further explain. He fills the temporary silence with the sound of the fridge opening so that he can grab another beer. 

 

“He’s my friend too,” 

 

Dean purposely avoids looking at his brother. Of course he isn’t understanding what he’s trying to imply. Sometimes he wishes he could just tell Sam but he knows that would be a terrible idea. His little brother would just try to push him into something he didn’t want. But he  _ does _ want whatever Sam would try to get him into. But would Cas even understand how a relationship actually works? And more importantly; Did Cas even like him like that? No, he didn’t. 

 

Dean holds his head in his hands miserably he just couldn’t explain it properly,  “He’s not...yours, Sam. He’s not yours,”

 

“Dean…” he says, using that pity-filled voice again

 

Dean hates that voice, and Sam knows it.

 

“Get out, Sam,” he growls

 

Dean doesn’t need his pity.

 

But Sam doesn’t move from where he’s standing. 

 

“Dean-”

 

“Get out.” 

 

This is far from how Dean wants to spend his night. He justs needs to get drunk by himself, and then tomorrow he would continue looking for Cas. Just one night, one night to deal with his pain, that’s all he’s asking for. 

 

“We’re going to find him. We’re going to bring him home. He’s going to be okay,” Sam assures him

Dean snaps.

 

“You don’t know that! You don’t know if he’s going to be okay or not. We don’t even know if he’s alive! You must have not seen them when we were stitching him up but I did! I saw what that goddamn angel did to Cas and now he has him again. The only possible lead here is one we got from freaking  _ Crowley,  _ because him and Cas are totally besties!” he walks into Sam’s space

“I know-”

 

“No you don’t know, Sammy! That’s my whole point here,” but Dean’s anger leaves him and his tone becomes more like desperation, “We  _ don’t _ know. He could be doing anything to Cas right now and I don’t know how to save him,”

 

His voice cracks but Dean continues anyway, “I don’t know what to do. He needs me and I don’t know hot to help him, I’m just sitting here useless!”

 

He hates himself. He hates himself so much for breaking down, especially now, in front of Sam. He should be being productive, researching who this ‘Bernael’ is. But here he is, letting his entire family down. Cas needs to be saved. Sam needs for his older brother to stay strong right now. 

 

_ God, Dean, seriously? _ he thinks to himself.

 

Sam reaches and grabs his upper arms in a firm grip, “Dean,” he says, making sure he has the older hunter’s attention, “Stop saying ‘I’.  _ We _ are doing this together, and  _ we will _ find him. This doesn’t just have to be you on your own.You’re right I don’t know if he’s gonna be okay or not, but we’ll help him and we’ll be there for him. I know I wasn’t there for you guys when you went to Purgatory, and I know we’ve had our issues, but I’m here now. We’re a family, all three of us, and we’re gonna get through this, Dean. Got it?”

 

Dean mulls it over in his head a minute before he nods glumily, not looking Sam in the eye. Dean really didn’t deserve his brother, his wonderful and amazing brother.

 

“Good,” Sam says, “Now, let’s go find Cas,” 

**Unknown-Present**

 

Cas hears the large metal door opening and someone stepping inside and his eyes fly open instantly. 

 

“Hello, little one,” Bernael chirps as he makes his way towards Cas.

 

Cas tries to struggle against the chains, but it’s only fruitless. The other angel grabs his chin and smiles.

 

“Miss me, slut?” he smiles

 

And that smile, oh that smile, it terrifies Cas and he lets out a small whimper. 

 

This time Bernael doesn’t delay, immediately grabbing at his wing. He cries out but it’s cut off again by a moan.

 

Cas squeezes his eyes shut and listens to the sounds coming out of his own mouth.

 

Then the touches disappear. He breathes out another sob, this one of relief. 

 

Footsteps made their way behind him

**Author's Note:**

> What'd you guys think so far? Any suggestions or comments? Please let me hear your thoughts, whether it's a constructive criticism or you just want to speak your mind about it. It gets my writing juices flowing. I'll try to update as regularly as possible. Kudos are so appreciated.


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